Hey Edward Scissor-Toes

There are certain things that I really can't deal with as a massage therapist and one of those is GROSS feet!

 The other day I was working on a client and when I got to his feet I started rubbing his toes. No big deal usually everyone loves there feet rubbed and I don't mind doing that, until I cut my hand on his effing dagger toenails. 

 There are these things called toenail clippers and you use them to cut away excess nails . How does your partner deal with something like that. Just imagine lying in bed one night and you get stabbed in the shin by your partners disgustingly long TOE NAILS!!!!

 So do us all a favor cut your nails before you get a massage or if it is your mate let them know that they need to resolve this problem IMMEDIATELY. 

Another situation I encountered recently was FUNGUS!!!!

 Fungus is highly contagious and if you don't worn your therapist they can contract it EASILY. Athletes foot is also known as RINGWORM, and if you don't let ANYONE know that is working on your feet that you have this, you are transmitting it to them!!!!!! We don't care and you don't have to go into detail just let the person working on you that you would like to skip your feet for that session. Clear that stuff up before you go and get work done on your feet. 

So my tips for this situation for the client, cut your toenails before you get worked on and make sure you don't have any kind of fungus on your feet before they get worked on, if you do just tell the therapist to avoid that area!!! For the therapist, notice before you touch the feet how long the toenails are they will jump out and bite you if you are not paying attention. Also with fungus pay as close of attention as you can to see if there is anything kinda weird about the area. I had a therapist friend that would always rub sanitizer on the feet before he touched them to try and keep any bacteria off his hands. Hope this helps!!!

Heart Ya, Ginger

GAS, Unleaded PLEASE!!!

I understand, we all got it........GAS! And most of us... it does not smell like ROSES!  

In my 10 years of doing massage I have never encountered a person like this before though. Every once in a while I get someone that farts unacceptably and I would never judge, we ALL get it.  

In this case, I get this very nice, petite little woman who you would think could never do anything atrocious, but she proved me WRONG.  As soon as I started to work on her back thighs the gas started coming.  I couldn't believe the sounds that came from that lady.  I just thank God that it didn't smell, but the sounds did not stop. It kept coming from one leg to the other.  Sounds that you only hear from a Star Wars movie.  Again her small stature amazed me with the noise that came from within.  But the one thing that totally bothered me, was that she never said anything. No "Excuse Me", "Sorry", or "My Bad"........ NOTHING. 

So my suggestions.  As a therapist you really can't say or do anything, GAS HAPPENS.  For the client,  please DO NOT eat something the day before or the day of your massage that makes you gassy.  We've all been there, where gas just happens and you can't stop it.  But if you are about to receive a massage please be courteous to yourself and your massage therapist and be aware of what you are putting in to your body so that you know what is going to be coming out of it.    

Heart Ya, Ginger

Please Keep Your H1N1 At Home!!!!!

The average person gets 2 colds and 2 stomach infections a year. We all get sick one time or another, but during this time do not attempt to receive a massage. Once in a while I get a client that sounds like they are coughing up a lung on my table.  I mean one of those coughs that are just full of phlegm and that horrible sound of that they can't get any air into their lungs kind of noise. Then I get the excuse, " Oh it's just allergies." PLEASE, I know the difference from sniffles to needing a new lung. Anyways... CANCEL your appointment immediately. There are a few reasons behind this logic.

First let me inform you a massage while you are sick will just make you sicker. Massage moves fluid and soft tissue that will take your sickness in one part of your body into almost EVERY part of your body. So while sick if you think a massage will make you feel better you are WRONG!!!!!

 Second reason, have some common courtesy. Your poor massage therapist did not sign up to be stuck in a room with a sick person for an hour just so that they could get sick and can't work for a week and lose out on pay because you have no manners. 

Just picture yourself being on an airplane with a sick person sitting right next to you, coughing and sneezing all over you and you can't do anything but sit there and take it. Not fun! So don't take your germs to your therapist. They would rather you cancel and reschedule than touch your snotty, coughing, fever sweat covered body. 

Heart Ya, Ginger

Zombie Skin!

Now everybody has gotten a sunburn one time or another in their lives and we all know what happens a few days later.......... we peel. So for massage therapists this can be an AWFUL situation to deal with. If your skin is dry, you smoke, you recently got to much sun, you don't drink enough water, or you don't moisturize your skin this leads to your top layer of skin exfoliating off into the massage therapists' hands and arms. GROSS!!!!!!

One time I got a client that was peeling so bad from getting a sunburn that when I massaged them their skin just peeled off like they were a ZOMBIE like their body was just falling apart! Again GROSS!!! Also alot of the times the skin rolls up into little, gross, dark skin balls that look like boogers and are not only on me but all over the massage table. So when a massage is over and a client gets up they think the table is just dirty, UGH NO!!! It's your skin.

Just so you get a visual. Remember when we were young and would put Elmers Glue on your skin, let it dry, rip it off, and roll it between your thumbs and the disgusting booger like matter would be left. That's EXACTLY what it is like!

Here are some tips to avoid becoming a ZOMBIE! First exfoliate your skin before getting a massage. Go to the store and buy a back brush and while showering scrub your back and extremities. Also keep yourself well hydrated. Your skin is an organ and if you are adequately hydrated your skin will not be dry. Then there's moisturizing. This is key. The more moisture in your skin the healthier it is. If you smoke, try to cut back. Smoke is EXTREMELY harsh for your skin. We all need the Vitamins in sunlight, but cut back if you are a SUN BABY.  If you do this you will repair wrinkles, add elasticity to your skin, and even out complexion.

For the therapist who encounters this client my only suggestion is use as much lotion/oil as you can. The massage won't be as deep but it will cut back on the grossness. The more  product you use the less friction there is, so it cuts back on the exfoliation. You will still have skin just not as bad. Also have a small hand towel available to take off extra skin when it accumulates. I know GROSS, but it's better in a towel than in your hands and arms.

SKIN IS A GIFT!!!!

Heart Ya, Ginger

Moaning is NOT Cute!

Every once in a while I get a client that makes a little more noise than normal, but I got this guy that really got my skin crawling. Right when I started the massage he started moaning. "OHHHHH YEAH right there". Noises that should not be heard by someone that is not his wife.

Well I got him for a WHOLE 2 hour massage . That is as long as a Harry Potter movie! Just imagine being stuck in a room with someone moaning for 2 LONG hours and having to touch their body. He kept letting me know I was way better than his wife and that she could learn a thing or two from me. Well no crap, I've been doing this for 10 years! 

I understand when things feel good we make some noises but please have some self control, it is so unnecessary.

 I am adding a video clip from FRIENDS the TV show that will explain a little about how the therapist feels. Phoebe is a massage therapist and is going to give her friend Monica a massage and she gets a little too vocal.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Spny9p0G_yc 

I let one of the male therapists know what had happened and asked him what he suggested in this situation. He thought I should start talking about stupid, mundane, everyday life kind of conversation to get the client to start to talk and to STOP moaning. Well the lesson here for the client is please be aware of the noises you make on the massage table because you can make your therapist feel VERY uncomfortable.

Heart Ya,  Ginger.

Excuse Me Sir, Are You Wearing a Sweater?

As a therapist I come in contact with a lot of different body types. However, on this particular day I encountered a BEAST of a man.

 It started out just like normal. I found my client, introductions, hows your day so for, blah blah blah, just the usual in meeting a new client. I lead him to my massage room and start explaining,  "I'll be stepping out of the room if he could please undress to wear he is comfortable and get under the top sheet of the massage table laying face down first", like I do with every client. step out for a moment or two so he can get situated. I knock on the door and step back in.  As I walk back in the room I always do a grounding technique, where I place my hands over the sheet on the client's back and ask them to take a couple of deep breaths to calm their bodies. As I finish my grounding I pull back the sheet and notice he did not take off his sweater. Thank God I caught myself from saying anything because I noticed it was not a sweater, it was the HAIR on his back.

 As I realize this I think to myself I have no oil, only lotion. This is a bad scenario since lotion will just clump into this jungle of black back hair! So I try my best, I start to glide down his back never touching skin only HAIR!!!!!!  The hair is so THICK and DENSE it is exfoliating my hands ( I guess I don't have to loofah tonight LOL). 

I know with each stroke, hair is just accumulating all over my poor arms and hands. The rest of his body is no where as hairy as his back. As our session ends and I walk out of the room into some light I notice what looks like PUBIC hair covering my arms!  I am mortified and somewhat disturbed.  He leaves and tips generously. 

The LESSON as a therapist is to ALWAYS keep oil on hand because it makes the hair easier to deal with or if you area client do some MANSCAPING it is very much appreciated. 

Heart Ya, Ginger

BONERS?!?!?!

 I get a lot of questions about erections. Like Is it normal? How to prevent them? I'm scared I'll get one? OK, I'm here to clear some things up. I don't have a penis, but the guys I have talked to say that for the most part an erection can be controlled, as long as they are awake and of an age over 21.

 On average, a man has between 3-6 erections a night while they sleep. With a massage, if a man falls asleep more often then not, an erection happens. This should not embarrass anyone since this is natural in perfect relaxation (sleep) HOWEVER this is NOT normal if the man is awake UNLESS there is some kind of medical condition.

 If you are that concerned about getting a stiffy during a massage just let the therapist know you just want your backside done, this way you never have to flip over. Now if you are looking for something extra DON'T. Do you know how long it takes to go to school for massage?  And NO, not one legit therapist will risk their license to do something more!!!!!  We pay THOUSANDS of dollars to go to school and if caught we can NEVER work in the industry EVER again. It's easier and cheaper to find a hooker willing to give you that extra that you want. So don't bother looking for it through a Licensed Massage Therapist. If you do, the session will end, you will be escorted out of the building, the police will be called, and you will be black listed by the company. So again, it's not worth it, just call an escort service if you want more than a massage.